[Submitter's note: Submitted for the sheer irony emanating from our
"sensetive" friend.]

Fhowrpg: Er: Jung unccraf jura lbh qvqa'g trg rabhtu fyrrc...
Sebz: Puevfwbl <hygenyvoregnevn...@tznvy.pbz>
Arjftebhcf: pbzc.bf.yvahk.zvfp, pnz.zvfp

Ba 6 Znv, 18:20, Wba Terra <wb...@qrnqfcnz.pbz> jebgr:

# work is a program created specifically for the moderators of the newsgroup
#  alt.humor.best-of-usenet, designed to make their job easier by removing
#  many of the repetitive lines found in headers and properly format the
#  'From:' 'Subject:' 'Message-ID:' and 'Newsgroups:' headers.
#
# Usage: work <filename>
#
# Algo: checks for existence of <filename>, strips unnecessary headers,
#  formats the appropriate headers properly (one hopes) and places the
#  results in a file named 'art'. Moves <filename> to the directory
#  'PROCESSED', and opens up pico to edit the newly-created file.
#
# Created by: Shane H. W. Travis (contact me via the ahbou-mod list:
#   ahbou-...@mit.edu)

#########################################################################
# This section sets up arrays which are used later in the program.

%message = (
  'No_From',      '*** ERROR: Not enough \'From:\' headers.',
  'No_Subject',   '*** ERROR: One or both \'Subject:\' lines are blank.',
  'No_Newsgroup', '*** ERROR: The \'Newsgroups:\' line is blank.',
  'No_Msg_ID',    '*** ERROR: The \'Message-ID:\' line is blank.',
  'Extra_From',   '*** WARNING: Too many \'From:\' headers. Be sure to use the right ones.',
  'Extra_Msg_ID', '*** WARNING: Too many \'Message-ID:\'s. Be sure to use the right ones.',
  'X_No_Archive', 'X-No-Archive header encountered: bailing out.',
  'X_No_ahbou',   'X-No-ahbou header encountered: bailing out.',
);

########################################################################### ##
# If you come across more undesired headers, they can be added to this array;
#  just follow the formatting found here. You should also let the rest of the
#  moderators know what you've added, so that later versions of the program
#  can be modified, and everyone is using the same script.
# NOTE: Some headers (notably 'Organization:') have been deliberately left
#  in, even though they aren't part of the necessary headers. This is because
#  they are occasionally custom-formatted and humorous.

@unwanted_headers = (
'Approved:',
'Article:',
'Cache-Post-Path:',
'Content-Length:',
'Content-Transfer-Encoding:',
'Content-Type:',
'Date:',
'Distribution:',
'Expires:',
'In-Reply-To:',
'Lines:',
'MIME-Version:',
'NNTP-Posting-Host:',
'Originator:',
'Path:',
'Precedence:',
'Received-Date:',
'References:',
'Reply-To:',
'Sender:',
'Status:',
'Supersedes:',
'To:',
'X-Admin:',
'X-Article-Creation-Date:',
'X-Auth:',
'X-Comment-To:',
'X-Complaints-To:',
'X-Http-User-Agent:',
'X-Ident-Sender:',
'X-Mail2News-Path:',
'X-Mailer:',
'X-MimeOLE:',
'X-NETCOM-Date:',
'X-Notice:',
'X-NNTP-Posting-Host:',
'X-Newsreader:',
'X-PipeGCOS:',
'X-PipeHub:',
'X-PipeUser:',
'X-Posted-By:',
'X-Poster:',
'X-Priority:',
'X-Sender:',
'X-Trace:',
'X-URL:',
'Xref:',
'cc:',
'Start of Forwarded Message',
'End of Forwarded Message',
'Cut Here',
'Forwarded Message Follows',
);

###########################################################################
# Begin the actual program
#

open (IN, @ARGV[0])  || die "Cannot find or open $ARGV[0]. $!\n";
open (OUT, ">art")   || die "Cannot open 'art' for writing. $!\n";

###########################################################################
# If we encounter either the X-No-Archive header or the X-No-Ahbou header,
#  bail out and do not process anything else on this article.

$seen_blank = 0;

LINE1:
while ($line = <IN>)              # reading lines in one at a time
{
    if ($line =~ /^\s*\[\s*(\S+:.*?)\s*[\]=]\s*$/) {
        $line = $1 . "\n";
    }

  $seen_blank && ($line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *X-No-Archive:\ *Yes\n/i)
      && die "$message{X_No_Archive}\n";

  $seen_blank && ($line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *X-No-ahbou:\ *Yes/i)
      && die "$message{X_No_ahbou}\n";

###########################################################################
# Read through the submission, storing all the necessary information from
#  the needed headers for later processing.

  if ($line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *Newsgroups:\ *([a-z0-9\.\-\_\+]*),?(.*)\n/)
  {
    $NEWSGROUP = $1;
    @OTHERGROUPS = split(/,/,$2);
    next LINE1;
  }

  if ($line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *(F|=46)rom: (.*)\n/)
  {
    push (@FROM_ARRAY, $2);
    next LINE1;
  }

  if ($line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *Subject:*\ (.*)\n/)
  {
    @SUB_ARRAY = split(' ',$1);
    $SUBJECT = join (' ', @SUB_ARRAY);
    next LINE1;
  }

  if ($seen_blank && $line =~ /^\ *\>*\ *Message-ID: <(.*)>/i)
  {
    push (@MSG_ARRAY, $1);
    next LINE1;
  }

  $seen_blank = 1 if ($line =~ /^\s*$/);        

#######################################################################
# Print the posting headers to the output file, properly formatted.

print (OUT "From: $FROM_ARRAY[0]\n");
print (OUT "Subject: [$NEWSGROUP] $SUBJECT\n");
foreach $msg_id (@MSG_ARRAY)
{
  print (OUT "Message-ID: <ahbou=$msg_id>\n");

#######################################################################
# Print the 'Subject:' and 'From:' attribution headers to the output
# file, properly formatted.

$num_words = @SUB_ARRAY;
$next_word = '';
$space = " ";
$line_length = 68;              # First time through, we set it to 68 so
                                #  that it fits after 'Subject:' - after
                                #  that it gets set to 76 (below)

$subject_line = shift @SUB_ARRAY;

print (OUT "Subject:");

foreach $i (1 .. $num_words)
{
    $next_word = shift @SUB_ARRAY;
    $subject_line = $subject_line.$space;

    if ( (length($subject_line.$next_word)) <= $line_length )
    {
        $subject_line = $subject_line.$next_word;
    }
    else
    {
        print(OUT " $subject_line\n");
        $subject_line = $next_word;
        $line_length = 76;
    }

print (OUT "From: $FROM_ARRAY[1]\n");

######################################################################
# Deal with all the Newsgroups, including any extra after the first.

$num_newsgroups = @OTHERGROUPS;
$next_group = '';
$comma = ", ";
$line_length = 66;              # First time through, we set it to 66 so that
                                #  it fits after 'Newsgroups:' - after that
                                #  it gets set to 76 (below)

$newsgroup_line = $NEWSGROUP;

print (OUT "Newsgroups:");

foreach $i (1 .. $num_newsgroups)
{
    $next_group = shift @OTHERGROUPS;
    $newsgroup_line = $newsgroup_line.$comma;

    if ( (length($newsgroup_line.$next_group)) <= $line_length )
    {
        $newsgroup_line = $newsgroup_line.$next_group;
    }
    else
    {
        print(OUT " $newsgroup_line\n");
        $newsgroup_line = $next_group;
        $line_length = 76;
    }

#########################################################################
# Check for any errors caused by irregularly formatted submissions and
#  raise the appropriate warning or error message.

(@FROM_ARRAY < 2) && print (OUT "$message{No_From}\n");
(@FROM_ARRAY > 2) && print (OUT "$message{Extra_From}\n");

($SUBJECT eq '' || $subject_line eq '') && print (OUT "$message{No_Subject}\n");

($NEWSGROUP eq '') && print (OUT "$message{No_Newsgroup}\n");

(@MSG_ARRAY < 1) && print (OUT "$message{No_Msg_ID}\n");
(@MSG_ARRAY > 1) && print (OUT "$message{Extra_Msg_ID}\n");

print (OUT "$!\n");

##########################################################################
# Having retrieved (and printed out) the proper headers on the first pass
#  through, eliminate all the extraneous headers on the second pass.

open (IN, @ARGV[0])  || die "Cannot find or open $ARGV[0]. $!\n";

##########################################################################
# Look for certain patterns that start a line; if found, do not write
#   that line to the output file.
# If it isn't an unnecessary header line, print it out intact.

LINE2:
while ($line = <IN>)              # reading lines in one at a time
{
  foreach $item (@unwanted_headers)
  {
    if ($line =~ /^\>*$item/i)
    {
      next LINE2;
    }
    elsif ($line =~ /^\>*-* $item/i)
    {
      next LINE2;
    }
  }

  print(OUT $line);

##########################################################################
# Now that the 'art' file is completed, move the edited submission to the
#  PROCESSED directory.  NOTE: This assumes that the PROCESSED directory
#  is directly below the directory in which 'work' is located. If this is
#  not the case, add the absolute pathname of your PROCESSED directory
#  in front of 'PROCESSED' in the statement below.

rename ($ARGV[0], "PROCESSED/$ARGV[0]");

########################################################################### #
# I use pico as a text-editor because it works in text-only environments and
#  on a VT100 terminal type. (I cannot get X-Windows through my dial-up, so
#  no emacs available.) Substitute whatever you use here in its place.

exec($ENV{VISUAL} || $ENV{EDITOR} || 'vi', 'art');

exit(0)

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From: Opus the Penguin <opusthepenguin+use...@gmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
Subject: Re: Most watery view of earth
Date: Thu, 21 May 2009 14:55:02 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Bloom County Meadow Party
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--
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I love being an evil influence. - Lesmond